The Art of ‘Thank You’
Too Grateful or Not Grateful Enough
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You get out of your way to help someone you don’t really know. It’s not much you’ve given, just a little of your time and money, but it’s your way of saying you want to help. You imagine the response would be a thank you, some form of gratitude.
You hear nothing back.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, everything you say or do, even when part of your job, is greeted with over-the-top thanks. A constant string of thanks. An inbox full of thanks.
Which one is the most annoying?
I like to err on the side of thanking those around me. I am horrified of having forgotten to thank someone who either got out of their way to help me, or simply let me walk in the doorway first. I don’t particularly like blanket thanks — one big thank you for a group of people — yet I use the method from time to time, so as to avoid the over-the-top version.
Tough choice this thanking business, isn’t it?
I recently answered to someone’s post on social media, expressing admiration for their work with marginalized groups.
The reply was immediate: a request to donate to this person’s efforts.
I usually have a certain amount of money set aside for charity (many times it involves family, because, as a former teacher used to say, charity starts at home). However, since this person replied with links and additional information, while reiterating how much their work with marginalized groups would benefit from every penny, I donated. Not much, but I went to the website and put my credit card number in.
I never heard anything back.
This behavior — this silence — did something to my way of thinking. I used to actively look for this person’s notices, postings, musings. Well, I no longer feel the urge to seek out this person’s writings or to read their comments. I scan the notices from time to time, but not in depth like before.
Sounds small on my part, I realize. I didn’t donate in order to be declared giver of the year. Yet, the lack of response affected my way of thinking toward this person.
While describing someone else’s actions comes easy, I do wonder how many times I may have missed expressing my thanks to the people in my circle, or to complete strangers. Or maybe I overdid it with my thanks. Either approach may have pushed people away.
Instinctively, we say: thanking is a natural reaction. We’ll know when the time comes to thank someone or to not over thank. Thanking of any kind is automatic, not something we have to relearn or spend time worrying about on a day-to-day basis.
Maybe so, but as I mentioned in my example, the person in question lost a reader. While it’s entirely possible this person was way too busy, or maybe it was simple negligence that lead to their silence, the truth remains that they lost a reader. Since it’s conceivable I’m not the only person they did not thank for a donation, it’s possible they lost more than one reader.
Our thanking choice — automatic or not — has consequences. Moreover, thanking someone the right way is not only important for business, but research shows there is a ripple effect to our thanks. I learned this from Jill Suttie’s article published by Berkely.edu, titled The Ripple Effects of a Thank You, in which the author partially states:
Expressing gratitude affects not only the grateful person, but anyone who witnesses it. [ ] being thankful and expressing it to others is good for our health and happiness. Not only does it feel good, it also helps us build trust and closer bonds with the people around us. Source
When using thanks properly, we’re creating bonds beneficial to our business and to our well being.
At the same time, over thanking can have negative effects. Like anything over done, the power of the phrase can be lost if overused. Over thanking can push us away from people just as much as lack of thanks does. If someone, for example, goes on a thanking tirade for picking up their pencil off the floor, we might try to avoid them next time around.
Because we’re always growing and learning and adapting, reactions that feel natural and ingrained in our psyche, may need revisiting from time to time.
Luckily, much has been researched and written on the subject of thank yous by media business companies. The conclusion is that there are three ways in which we express thanks yous:
Overused: The one who says thank you for everything. Even the simple act of handing them a pen, this person decides that they will overuse thanks. Almost to the point where their use of thanks goes in one ear and out the other. Their version of thank you doesn’t hold any meaning.
Underused: The one who never says thank you.This person takes but does not give. Acts of kindness, generosity, and positivity are lost on this person as they do not communicate their appreciation for things that other people do.
Just right: The one that thanks with ease. The time in which you use this is to show gratitude to the other parties involved. You want them to know you truly value the relationship you have and want to keep growing it. A simple thanks can help to solve heated situations, make people feel of value, and make people smile. Source.
I hereby resolve to try and do it just right from now on.
Thank you for stopping by to read this article.